the part; the two


I threw myself on Prakash’s sofa muttering how my life was ruined. Prakash was my friend from primary school days.

Woah, you mean become like a holy man? Like a Moulana?

Yeah Prakz. Sucks dhall right? (that means terrible for the unschooled in odd slang)

That’s hectic man. Will you be allowed to watch movies with me and stuff still after you become one?

I could see that was his primary concern since I always bailed him. He always just happened to lose his wallet whenever we went to the movies.

That’s the problem Prakz! I won’t be able to do so many things! Moulanas can’t go to the movies or to parties or listen to music, I’d find it weird if I saw any of them doing that. My life’s over!!

Yeah that’s way hectic man eish. Why don’t you just tell them no way Jose.

Nabeel ! Prakash’s granny ambled into the lounge. Why you boy’s don’t come watch with me? I got a nice Shah Rukh film on

Thanks Aunty but not today

You’ll so boring like that. Prakash did you get the ghee for my prayer lamp? Please go and get my stuff ready, just now it’s time for my prayers

I started getting a bit uncomfortable around this point. I read most of my salaah  though I wasn’t a very pious Muslim and got irritated when my sister told me I spend too much time at a non Muslims house for the safety of my imaan. What the hell did she mean? Now I understand. Our Imaan is like a thermometer,the temp will go up and down according to our environment.

 Al mar’u alaa deeni khaleelihi. A man is upon the deen of his friend.

A friend isn’t always someone we interact with but can apply to someone who we spend alot of time watching on screen or listening to. It affects us. 


I couldn’t think straight since Nana threw that ultimatum at me. Emotional blackmailer. He was home now. I went over to him watching Mum settle him in bed.

Nana…I need to ask you something… Err…Do I still need to go to Darul Uloom? Since like…since…

Since I never die? He asked me dryly.

Well yes I mean it was like a bit of an anti climax I said laughing. Nana laughed too. Luckily we had a great relationship or I would have got a black eye for rudeness.

Before my folks rushed Nana to hospital, he fell and on the way to the floor hit his face on the edge of his draw,thus when Mum found him , there was blood oozing out of his mouth. Mum went hysteric and assumed the worst. However what Did happen was a mild stroke. Although he was fine now, his movements were a bit jerky and slow. I ignored the slight pull at my heart.


Yes you still need to go. You promised. He eyed me under his bushy brows.

Daamn, Nana I thought you were going to kick it. Everyone was like reading and crying, I’d like heartless if I said no right

Sometimes I wonder if you’re really my blood,What is really your goals Nabeel? Yes I know you going to tell me to get rich and own a Bugatti but is that really a goal and you can’t get rich by sitting infront of your computer playing games or loafing with your friends,Beta you can’t even take the name of Allah without looking uncomfortable. Think of that. go now I’m tired

A few days later.

I had left for a holiday with my friends as a last fling before we all started the next year.

Yusuf appeared next to me. Nutella for your thoughts? He said offering me some. I stuck my finger inside broodingly.

You and me were supposed to go to campus together Handsome. It was going to be a blast. I mean how awesome is it that we both applied and got accepted  at the same faculty at  the same University? And now my plans are Ruined! Damn it Nana!

Err…he’s not here you know. Anyways what’s so bad about becoming an Alim? I know you had this vision to be the next Muslim John Pilger ( we had applied to study Media and Comm) but I think you’ll be doing a far greater work as an Alim, you will affect hearts.

So why the hell don’t you become one killjoy? I muttered striding off into the tempting waves with my board. My passion was the beach,the surfing,the wipe outs.

Yusuf cut through a delicious looking wave and stood next to me. What is it that you’re really afraid of Nab?

Change. I am afraid I’ll have to change and be good and holy, you know?

My eyes passed  over the endless  ocean, my friends up the craggy cliffs and my phone on the shore with fresh messages from the hottest girls. I couldn’t give up this fun. This awesome life. No way! I was going to make it clear to Nana as soon as I got back

A week later.

I stood stubbornly infront of my family,hands crossed defensively over my chest.

Nana calmly looks at me; Dont scold him Rukaya..fine Nabeel …you don’t want to go? Okaybut I’ve got a deal for you.



Asalamu Alaikum

JazakAllah Khair for the support. Overwhelmed and thankful. To every reader. Alhamdulilah

The object of this blog is to take a lesson and to also be cautious from the signposts here that we might also happening see in our lives.

I will not reveal who I am, where I am from or which Madaris/ Campus I attended as That is defeating the purpose of this blog. It’s not about me. So to those who commented with such queries, I appreciate you took the time to comment but I didn’t let it go through because I don’t want it to get personal.

Also, the izzat of my fellow travellers will be protected by staying anon.Therefore when you read of someone that might seem familiar, maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Don’t think too hard. 

This blog is open to compliments And criticism, however keep both decent.

Being an avid reader and hearing of this and that blog, led me to read up on some of them. While some impressed me, the content of the others which seem like rip off’s of a hollywood/bwood series. Disturbed much. Is the new ambition of the youth to party ,shop,get a girl or a guy? Bhas? 

 Will this be turned into a book you ask? Highly doubt that but never say never. (doubt it again,I don’t think this is novel material) but to all those who want to make a diff by writing Islamic lit, I say go get your dream because there is a space for it and for all those mafattias(freebie lovers) that swear you for it?  Don’t bother. When you offered it for free, they took it.

Lastly I may not always be able to reply to everyone that comments but it certainly is appreciated.

InshaAllah next post up early tomorrow. Busy. Our place is elsewhere on a Fri night.

Wa maa taufeeq illah billah


The Part, the one

I looked out of the window, anxiety creeping up my stomach like a slow snake. I nearly jump out of my sweaty skin everytime the phone rang.  My hands were still shaking from last nights “activities”. My first ‘trip’ and I couldn’t handle it? Man up I reprimanded myself annoyed.

Night before

We were at our Post Matric party, not the lame  “Debs” but the Real party the one that rocked later on that night when you feel like a bird about to fly across vast wide plains of freedom. Ha Ha…yeah right.

I hid the slight awkwardness I felt in the room smogged up by weed and crack by plastering an “I’m so cool, I got this” smile on my face like I was a the pope of dope. The thumping music reverberated throughout the house, shaking the walls with its sickening doof doof, at that time I thought it was cool. Sad me.

“Hey bro, try this, you’ll fly kasam. Just once.”Samir handed me a tray with a powdery line, giggling like he lost his marbles. Which he actually had,thinking of it.

Looking back why did I not have the guts to say no firmly and get the hell out of there? Why did I actually not stay away from the party totally? We think we’re so strong.Where there’s a fire burning, you going to get some smoke clinging to you. Let’s not fool ourselves otherwise. What is Taqwa? It is staying away from where your Maula should not see you where you shouldn’t be.

I looked over at Yusuf my bra. He made a slashing motion against his neck. I weakly found myself saying; Nah thanks I’m cool Sam. After a few more “just once” I gave in.

A mother sized headache greeted me when I awoke,sprawled on the floor. There was a couple next to me making out shamelessly in a full room. She wasn’t even his girl.Friends with benefits I guessed. A small group of girls huddled in a corner, snorting coke and laughing hysterically. The same girls who acted like Gino Ginellis. Hanifa, the one with the crooked nose  saw me awake and nasal’d;

Hey Nabeel, you look like the dogs breakfast

Shut up Pinocchio , you look like the wicked witch of the west, why don’t you use your nose to hang clothes on. I was witty neh? Not.

She shot me a dirty look and turned back to her fellow witches.She was just rude because I shut her down when she made a move on me.Little did I know then, I would encounter Hanifa again in later years under very different circumstances.

They had put their delicate toes in a very murky pool of destruction for the first time that night. Some would lose their chastity that night, some would get high and some would get drunk but by the time we all got home the next day, we all sobered up and looked scrubbed…of our black marks of guilt. No trace. But within the heart a roaring volcano of sin and the ripping apart of a beautiful youth.

PARENTS,WAKE UP! (do parents  of teens read blogs?)When your innocent girl who just finished her matric or your son who bicharo ,was so stressed during his finals, is saying he/she is sleeping over at a friends house the night of the matric party? 99% of the time. They aren’t. Open your daughters overnight bag, why does she have those skimpy clothes inside? Why can’t your boy come home early? And oh no, a house party isn’t always innocent. Believe me. I was at one that night.

A faint mosquito noise cuts through the buzz in my head, my phone’s beeping non stop with text messages from my Mum and Sabiha. Sabiha the pretty hazel eyed girl I’d been making a play for.Little vixen finally decides to acknowledge me. Why was I so disrespectful of females? Looking back I shudder at the teen me. The texts keep coming and I can’t deal , the next thing I hurl all over myself.

Yusuuuuf!! Yusuuuf !!Haandsome!!!

Yes that was our nick for him because , how do I put this diplomatically ? Far from handsome as can be. His face was covered in pimples till you could hardly see skin and he had a bad overbite but Yusuf being Yus, never felt bad, or so we taught.

You idiot. Yusuf says as if he’s complimenting me. He’s driving me home while I retch painfully in the back and for some reason start singing off key.

Handsome had left the party once it started getting hectic. I mistakenly called 5 people including my Dada’s sister  before managing to get to his name on my phone. That’s how spiked I was.

Shut up.

Ok Dad.

Shut up again. You shouldn’t have let them pressure you. Why so weak man? Get up now,we’re almost at your house. Hey why are there so many cars at your house at 3am?

Oh Shite! I’m going to get caught.

But no one was interested in me. For now. There was someone being carried out in a stretcher to the foreboding looking ambulance.

The phone rang again. Nabeel,come to the hospital now! Nana wants to speak to you.

An hour later I’m sitting there with Nana’s frail hands in my young ones.

Nabeel, he croaks.

I’ve never asked you for anything beta but tonight I will, Promise me you will become an Alim.

Say Whaaa????

All these years later, I think of how my head shook in agreement to something I had never envisioned for myself, even though I wanted to scream nooooo, don’t ruin my life!!!.

My years in a Darul Uloom were happy, sad, good ,bad, mind freeeing,heart shattering ,brilliant, dark, awesome but one thing it never ever was for a single moment, was ,boring.


this is going to be a rollercoaster,buckle up!

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